THE DEADWORLD LETTERS PAGE
(page two of three)


KZ,
    It’s okay. Deake’s slipped and Danny’s back. Hey, life’s a …I mean death’s a …well, you know what I mean. I’m sure you got a plan. They’re a bunch of dumb warmie punks. They can’t even stop fighting amongst themselves. Anyway, they’re right where you want them. I got a feeling you know where that helicopter’s going. So, get it together and ride! The gate awaits!
Samhain II, Ohio
    What the hell is this, month of the morons? Of course I know what’s going on. I’m onto those warmies like maggots on rotting flesh!

To King Zombie,
    Please print the following letter so all of my friends can see it and see that I actually wrote it.
Scuzz, Illinois
   You should’ve shown it to them before you mailed it, idiot, ‘cause I’m not gonna print it! If you stick your ass up like that…. I’m gonna screw ya. Everytime.

Hey Dead Dudes,
    I’ll start off saying KZ’s a worm eating wussie. The dork isn’t even tough. I’d rip off his head and shit down his neck…I’d fuck up his "Deadworld" and furthermore, you pud-wackers, I think you should get more violent, more abusive, and more gut wrenching. To all those wimps out there who think that children will go crazy if they read trashy mags, I think you’re DEAD wrong. Psychos are born, not made. And if I ever catching you puds bad-mouthing California again, I’ll kick all your asses.
John, California
   A Californian kicking ass? Hah! You talk pretty tough for someone who things a surf board is a pretty good lay.
                                              

Deadworld,
    It’s too bad I haven’t picked up your comic in a few months, but after my financial crisis was over, it was time to once again not miss an issue of Deadworld. You just don’t realize how immensely happy this comic makes me.
Jerry, Massachusetts
   Ah, nothing like knowing Deadworld makes someone immensely happy. You’re a real sicko pal, you ever think of running for public office? You’d fit in real good.
                                              

Dear Deadworld,
    Every issue, I find myself defending your great comic. It’s always being compared to a warmie comic with some caped hero. Take nothing away from them. Any man (mortal) that can get shot in the chest and get up….GIVE ME A BREAK! They complain your mag contains too much gore. What else do you look forward to on the next page besides someone getting their skull ripped apart---not stopping someone from robbing a bank? Keep your zombies rotten.
Carlos, Maryland
   Well, you know, Carlos, the similarity between myself and certain costumed heroes can be based on our common traits such as nobility, honor, and trustworthiness. So, upon the next occasion, when pressured into such a defensive position with comparisons of myself with a caped hero, just calmly and rationally explained your position and then take the asshole’s eyeballs, flatten them suckers up and wedge those little fuckers up his damn nostrils so he can smell what he’s seeing and then jam his head up his ass so he can see what he’s smelling! Then, you can just quietly inform him that you disagree.

Dear macho Man King Zombie
    Well, pal, you think you’re pretty neat, eh? HAHAHA! It’s been more than 10 issues already, and you still haven’t managed to kill all those damn warmies yet! Speaking as a warmie, I find you to be anything but a King. You call yourself a King, but in reality, you’re nothing but a mindless, babbling, over-rated, ex-pro wrestler that couldn’t lead on army of ants to a picnic! Pray that your peers don’t decide to overthrow your rule because they would succeed. I suggest you get on the ball and show that you have some "balls" (unless they’ve fallen off already). See you in Hell!
Rob, Wisconsin
   Only someone from Wisconsin could make so many mentions of wrestling. Is that all you guys watch after squeezing your cheese?

Dear Caliber,
    I just got the Deadworld graphic novel. King Zombie kicks ass! I love the way King Zombie gets rid of the warmies. He has such style in eating them. I have a couple of questions….
Matt, Pennsylvania
   Questions?!?    Oh, fuck off, will ya?

 To Whom it May concern,
    I find it sad that you blindly neglect mention of us in your publications. Who are "we" you ask? We are those who roam the night and draw substance form the blood of the living. You, King Zombie, could be smitten with but a single blow from the fist of my kindred.
Cana
    Would you get fucking real? Go back to playing dress-up at those science fiction conventions and leave me alone.

Dear Dead Matter,
    I’m new to Deadworld. It was violent, gross, offending, morbid, vomitous, vile, and bloody. This is a comic I really could get into!
Airick
   You forgot, it tastes great too.

 Dear Dead Crew,
    I’ve been an avid fan of your rag since #1. Your ultra violent portrayal of holocaust earth is totally rad. Keep it up, homies. I’m the bassist of this San Francisco area thrash band known as Comical Brutality and here’s some of our logos using zombies. We want to let you know that Deadworld rules in the Bay area.
Paul, California
    Awww, ain’t they cute. Makes me want to puke chunks, you know what I mean.

Dear Deadworld,
    I love your comic…more blood and guts! Hey, could you send me information on t-shirts and subscriptions?
No name
   It never ceases to amaze me how some dumb shits can read a book and not know a damn thing. Stop looking at the pictures and start reading a little, warmie. Then maybe you can convince your mom that you only read the articles in Hustler rather that trying to explain why "it" is so sticky when she gives you your bubble bath.

To His Dark Majesty, King Zombie
    Greetings! The South Bend/Mishawka attack has been most successful. Over one third of the warmies have been herded into a converted factory. It is now a meat processing plant for us. We have prepared a banquet in your honor, Dark One, with several dozen of the finest female specimens held aside. We await your triumphant return to the city.
Neville, Indiana
   Now, this guy I like.

Dear Flesh-Eaters…
    Chomp…chomp…chew…chew…gulp! Bbeeeeelllllccccchhhhh!!! Whoops, sorry, just finished off a warmie. I have enjoyed Deadworld since I first saw it in the Realm but it keeps getting better. Vincent Locke’s art continues to get better.
Michael, Maryland
   Yeah, what’s your point?

Dear D.W.
    Is there any original art for sale on Deadworld? If not, I’ll jut come and rip your windpipes out with my teeth and take it. Getting’ real tired of those assholes who write in to bitch about things. Till cannibalism is legalized, I’ll be buying Deadworld.
Tristan, Virginia
    You mean cannibalism isn’t legal? News to me.


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